This week I'm moving from an apartment with a walk-in closet to an apartment that, quite simply, does not have a walk-in closet.
I'd like to say this is no big deal, but the truth is I own so many clothes. For serious. My Saturday routine used to involve walking along Bloor, and coming home with a new shirt.
Not to mention the fact that over the years I have become emotionally attached to certain clothes, not wanting to throw them away long after they've passed their prime.
Anticipating my soon-to-be-limited storage situation, I recently came to grips with the fact that I'd have to evaluate some of the clothing I've carried with me from Oakville to Ottawa to Toronto, and purge whatever I could.
As such, I invite you to click inside and join me on a journey of the most ridiculous clothes I own -- some of which will soon be gone from my life, and some of which I still refuse to part with.
One of far-too-many oversized Randy River t-shirts from high school days. This one says "R2" for Randy River.
Emo band tshirt. Too small. Bleach stains. And still it pained me to get rid of it.
Every gay man should own a Spice Girls tshirt and wear it proudly. This one ain't going anywhere.
Free hat from St. Patrick's Day 2008. Kept it onhand until now "just in case" an occasion arose where it would be appropriate.
Recently-acquired, free tshirt. Went straight into the "Donate" bag. I was so proud of myself!
It also came in green. This also went into the "Donate" bag. Yay me!
In 1999 I bought this long-sleeved T from Randy River that said "Y2KFU." You'd be surprised how many people asked me what the acronym stood for. That's probably when I started really doubting human intelligence for the first time.
Please note the huge rip in the armpit area. Why have I kept this for 11 years?!
Dug this out of my parents' basement a few years ago. Must've been my mom's. I'm keeping it until someone invites me to a wacky sweater party.
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SportKid headband from the 2007 McLeod St. Dodgeball Tournament. Black boa, a gift from Petunia Pig. No idea where the plastic lei came from, but I like it.
This tshirt was in regular rotation around grade seven and eight. If it's big on me now, I can only imagine how it fit on my scrawny self back then. One time a classmate called me a banana when I wore it. I continued to wear it. This sat in the "Donate" bag for a few days, but I eventually dug it out.
I've never been to Acapulco.
I have been to Carleton University.
One day I will find an appropriate occasion to wear this shirt from India, a gift from Howard Jamieson. It still comes out at parties from time to time.
Devon makes fun of me whenever I wear this shirt. Yes, it's from Randy River, circa grade nine. It has a dragon on it, and some Asian characters that I can't read. It's tattered around the edges from wear. It is one of my favourite tshirts. It is sooooo comfortable. I know I can't wear it in public, but it's so great for lounging.
This shirt has a date printed right on it, so I know exactly how old it is. From a friend's artist showcase in 2008. I fought to get the last size medium, never to actually wear the shirt.
Eventually Randy River switched their focus from dragons to monkeys. So I owned this.
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In high school I'd listen to New Found Glory and think about how tragic my completely comfortable life was.
Wearing one of multiple New Found Glory tshirts really helped me connect with those emotions. (I'm keeping both NFG shirts).
Free tshirt I got at Pride 2008, courtesy CTV. Never worn, and into the donation pile.
Another Randy River treat! I bought this tshirt because it said "Hardcore." It wasn't until I wore it a few times that I realized it also said "Department of Athletics." I then felt completely uncomfortable wearing it, because I knew I wasn't athletic at all. Let along hardcore.
TIFF volunteer T. Gone.
My first ever pink "Bridesman" tshirt from Karlee's bachelorette! There's no way I'm giving this one up.
Screech Halloween costume from 2008. Had both shirts in the "donate" pile, then got cold feet and pulled them out. I never even entertained the thought of throwing the wig away.
Leaving the bar one night in winter 2008 I grabbed about eight of these. They have taken up space in my apartment ever since. Not anymore.
I'm going to let you guess why I own these pants.
If you think I'm going to get rid of my shiny silver Electric Circus shirt from Dixie Value Mall, you're out of your fucking mind. In case you need a refresher, here's the whole story behind this beauty.
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Lest you think I kept too many of these gems, take a look at the bag of clothes I purged:
And no, I didn't just donate ugly shit. There was some decent clothing in there too. It's just harder to make fun of such items.