I watched last night's MTV Video Music Awards from the comfort of my parents' family room in Oakville, which proved to be a more hilarious experience than anticipated.
The whole family became a bunch of armchair critics throughout the show, particularly when it came to one Mr. Justin Bieber. My dad likes to call him the Beaver, even though he knows that's not his name.
The hullarious one-liners were coming out so fast and furious during the Biebs' awfully-lipsynced performance that I couldn't get them all down.
"How ridiculous is this?" my dad said within three seconds of the Biebs appearing on screen.
"Do you have the fever?" my brother Jesse asked my mom as the performance rolled on.
"Puke is what I want to do," she responded.
(Hahahahah, even funnier when I retype it!)
Things only went downhill from there. As Bieber wrapped his performance my mom concluded, "I didn't like him before, but I like him less now," and my dad proclaimed he's worse than Milli Vanilli.
Thankfully that wasn't the last we saw of young Biebs.
Later in the evening he won the Best New Artist Award, and had some trouble finding his way to the stage. We weren't sure if he was trying to be funny, or if he was legitimately too stupid to find the huge stage in front of him. We were sure we didn't like it.
"Don't you just want to punch him right in the dick?" Jesse asked the room.
I think you can imagine our collective response.